I guess mentioning it prior to going on any dates, or early on in meeting a person isn’t good enough, because twice now in the past week or so, guys have attempted to make me their boyfriends.
I tell them straight up, I don’t date. I tell them I have been hurt, and I am not ready to move to that level.
It apparently isn’t enough, as now twice I have guys upset at me for what I can only imagine is them thinking I have led them on. Or that I do not think they are good enough.
The fact of the matter is pretty simple, I do not date. At least seriously. Say what you will about me, but the reality is, I simply cannot bring myself to accept the confines of a relationship. Life is meant to be enjoyed and I feel like I always missed out on something while dating.
Also, as I said, I have been hurt in the past. Seriously injured, both emotionally and physically (and mentally too, I suppose I should add), each time it was over a guy whom simply was not worth it. Each guy I have dated in the past has brought little to enhance my life, and only served to destruct it.
I still have not regained all of what I have lost in those relationships. That is unacceptable to me. Call it jaded, or bitter, or whatever, but I am not nearly at a place to give anything to anyone, specifically when it requires a part of me.
In many ways I still feel numb to guys. Which is unfair to me, and my potential partner, so I don’t date.
The entire “it’s not you, it’s me” break up line is how I feel I have had to let guys down a great deal lately. And they haven’t liked it. They have gotten upset with me. And that is completely understandable, I know I am quite a catch — but if someone says they are not ready to be in a relationship, pushing it, or even wanting to be in a relationship with him or her is not smart. To yourself or them.
People tend to overlook the positives of being out of a relationship (like what I did there?). It’s kind-of nice to go to movies by yourself, or eat alone, and lord knows I get a ton of rest when I sleep by myself. I like that I answer to no-one, I can flirt with everyone, I can fuck whomever I please or no one at all. These are just pleasant realities I have learned. Being a serial monogamist was fun for a few years, but frankly, it’s not something I am ready to get back into. Not yet anyway.
Mostly, I am still soul searching, and finding it’s okay to be single, I swear.