[Guest Post] Thanks, But No Thanks


“What is it like as a straight man, to get hit on by a gay man?”

That was the question posed to me, it wasn’t the first time I have been asked this question and I am sure it wont be the last. The short answer is that it is like when a woman gets hit on by a man. When I try and explain it that way most people cry foul and say that it is entirely different because it is a gay man, not a straight man hitting on a straight woman. I can see where these short sighted and narrow minded people are coming from, so mostly I just laugh, and then inform them how it is much more than that.
I never understood why it is men get so insulted when a gay man hits on them. To me that takes more courage than almost all straight men have. When a guy approaches a girl, it takes courage but not like the brass balls it takes for a gay man to approach another man. Before there is an uproar and general name calling, lets get one thing clear now. I am straight, always have been, never once questioned it, yet I appreciate and respect gay men and the lifestyle they have. For a man to approach women, odds are she is straight and expecting his bombardment of idiotically lame one lines, he doesn’t really risk that much when he gets rejected other than some pride and shit talking from his other knuckle dragging friends. It is almost expected for her to reject him. But for a gay man to approach another man, unknowing of sexual orientation or anything about him, not knowing how he will react, that is true courage. He doesn’t just risk rejection, he risks the ridicule and name calling that is so often sadly the case.
So for a gay man to approach me and let me know he is interested, it makes me think I must really have something going on for the reward to outweigh the risk. I take it as nothing but a compliment and an extreme one at that. Lets face most men think that all gay guys try to bed anything with a penis and mouth, not true, or at least from what I have gathered. While on the other hand, straight men and woman will hit on any member of the opposite sex, no matter how low down the ladder they have to climb. From my observations and experience, most gay men and woman actually have a much higher standard for those they seek out.
When a gay man comes up to me and hits on me I take it as nothing but an amazing confidence booster, thinking “damn I must be looking extra good today.” I don’t get insulted or offended, only ignorant folks do that, rather it makes my day. For the most part every gay man who has hit on me has been extremely respectful and once I make it clear I am not into the swinging serpent of man love, they usually chill out and stop, or at least tone it down. I have very rarely seen the same kind of respect from straight men. Also when a gay man finds out I am not interested, for the most part he and I remain friends, just because I don’t want to sleep with you doesnt mean we cant hangout and learn from each other.
So for all you gay men out there, fuck all the fools and please continue your way of hitting on people. For every idiot out there who hollers and yells and gets offended, there is a guy like me, who gets nothing but a smile and much needed confidence boost from it. So please continue to make my day with the compliments and self-esteem help, but sadly I have to say: “Thanks but no thanks.”


To guest blog on iREADray.com, contact Ray at rayceojr@gmail.com.


  1. I loved this! Raymond, your blog is always thoughtful and provocative. So I am not exactly surprised to find that you would invite a guest blogger who could add such a creative and intelligent reframe of an old issue. Hats off to Mr. Flynn and to Ray. And yes, IReadRay!

  2. I totally agree here. Very well written and thought out, not to mention TRUE. Personally, Im with Steven. Some of the best people inside and out Ive ever met have been gay. Loved this 🙂

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