Doing What Rihanna Isn’t

Recently, I heard that Chris Brown and Rihanna are going to be making a song or two together. I also heard an unconfirmed rumor that they are dating again.
This is just a few years after Chris Brown beat Rhianna. He left her with black eyes and a distorted face.The relationship ended (or at least we thought it had ended) when she filed a restraining order against him. And I believe it had ended, because she even went as far as saying in Rolling Stone that she and Brown “don’t have to talk ever again in my life.”
Back in those days (and it wasn’t that long ago) I was very proud of her.
She was doing what was difficult for me to do. She stopped talking to him, right away. She stayed away from him, right away.
But the reality is, she didn’t. She lied.
 Like I did, when I said I was done with my ex, and still saw him months and months after the fact.
In August of 2010, my ex beat me, leaving me looking like this: 
For the record, this was taken a week after the Joker punched me in the face. That black eye was the first of two. Apparently, he broke my eye socket, as it lasted more than a month.

I didn’t stop talking to him until March of 2011. There were months and months of us talking, despite me saying that I wasn’t. I lied. There were months of us hanging out. Months. And I am a smart person, who knows that people who abuse don’t just do it once, they do it more than once. I realized this when he attempted to fight me, in which triggered me finally leaving him.

This is the first time I am really sharing this information. At the time, I didn’t want anyone to know that I was as weak as I was. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was still heart-broken. And I certainly didn’t want anyone to know that I was still in love.

But I was.

And I got over it.

Apparently, Rihanna hasn’t.

Because, while I do wish the best for the Joker, I do not have to ever see him again. Nor do I want to. Yes, there is a certain sadness there about how I simply will never talk to my first-love again. Yes, there are moments when I wish I could just tell him a funny story, or still have a moment to be buried in his back, snuggled with him, and fall asleep with my arm wrapped around him. But those moments only existed because brewing inside of him was an angry person, who needed to take control of me, in order to hurt me (several times) and still have me do anything for him.

Simply, he took my life.

And Chris Brown is going to take Rihanna’s. 

That’s what abusers do. They do not get better. They do not stop their behavior. They simply continue to do what they know how to do, and that is abuse.

Obviously, Chris Brown need’s Rihanna in order to have a career.

Obviously, the Joker needed me to try to get a judge to drop charges against him.

I have looked up to Rihanna for her strong conviction to move on and be successful. But apparently, she hasn’t moved on at all. And that’s why I am sharing this. That is why I posted a picture of me with the first black eye the Joker left on my face.

Because, if Rihanna is not going to be the role model that she needs to be, to people like me, who have been abused and needed someone to look up to, then damnit, I will be.

And I can promise you that I will not only never talk to the Joker again. Just how Rihanna said she never will talk to Chris Brown. But, I, at least, will keep this promise.


  1. Nicely written. I believe you went through those experiences because you had to, to come out at the end of the tunnel with new wisdom and experience and know how. It is unfortunate that you or anyone is ever in a situation like that, but I am glad that some, like yourself, do realize whats best for themselves, whats healthy for themselves.

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