The One That Got Away

I haven’t really been a huge fan of Katy Perry’s. I mean, her song “I Kissed A Girl” is catchy, at best, and as I wrote long ago, didn’t really help promote the gay rights so many of her fans wanted to believe it did.
However, her most recent song titled, “The One That Got Away” is a notable hit; it’s such a big hit in fact, that it passed my little ol’ “straight test” (which is where I pay close attention to what a presumably heterosexual male I know is listening to, and in this case, the male in question liked it enough to post it on his Facebook, which is a big deal, considering this particular male generally listens to hard rock and medal).
It’s not that great of a song, and I think my friend’s rendition of it, is far better. But, I think it’s success really comes down to the fact the lyrics speak so loudly to all of us. It makes us all reflect at our past relationships, and it seems that despite the outcome of any particular relationship, we all have one in which we feel like “they got away.”
At least that’s how I feel when I listen to the song.
As I said, I haven’t really been a fan of Katy Perry’s. I honestly don’t think she is all that talented, and consider he more of a shock-and-awe sort of celebrity. I can only aspire to be so tacky.
But even I must confess I like this song enough to write a blog post about it.
For me, there is a guy, to whom I feel like got away. It’s not my first love, the Joker, who Ihave written about far too much on this blog (but honestly, how else do you heal after all I have been through with him?) and it’s certainly not K-fed (who, let’s face it, no matter how much I wanted to, I never really loved him) [if anything K-fed reminds me of this song by Beyonce (and in some ways I am thankful he went so far in showing his ass, so I wouldn’t fall in love)].

In between the two of them is a much less talked about third candidate in the iREADray love triangle that is my life. Few people know about this guy. In many ways, I like to keep it that way. Our relationship was a beautiful secret I attempted to keep. But here goes the full disclosure: He was incredibly attractive (honestly, more attractive than K-fed and the Joker, combined) – sort of reminded me of Jacob from the Twilight saga, had a great job, and treated me like a prince. He didn’t use drugs. He did drink, but never to the point where I worried about his well being and never to the point to which I feared my life, he didn’t drive drunk, he made me laugh, and above all else, was completely in love with me.
So in love with me, in fact, that despite him asking me to marry two times, and me saying no, kept at it, and it wasn’t until the third time, when I broke things off completely, did he finally get to move on.
For me, I suppose he is the true meaning to what Katy is singing about here.
Did I care about him? Absolutely. I cannot honestly say I loved him, but I did. There were certainly feelings there, strong feelings, and his dream to marry me and have kids with me, in a beautiful house that he bought, for us the third time he proposed (in Canada no fucking less) was everything a hopeless romantic like me could ever want. (Did I mention he was Canadian – because that was even more sexier that his six pack).
So what was the problem? I mean, few times in life does the most perfect sexy guy come along and rarely is he ever that intensely in love with you, so why would I keep turning him down to the point where I had to break things off?
Mostly, he came at the wrong time. I wasn’t over the Joker when he entered my life, not even in the slightest. Once, I even sneaked out while he slept only to call the Joker and plead for us to get back together.
It wasn’t until really today can I say that the nightmares the Joker ensued into my traumatized mind are actually paying off, and that my heart doesn’t long for him. The Joker was, and forever will be, my first love, I can’t change that. But, I can say this: he shattered my heart, almost as badly as he shattered his car window, and my face, when he punched them both. The One That Got Away I don’t think could hurt a fly. He was never physical with me. He always treated me with respect, dignity, like an equal – something I am still not accustomed to.
There isn’t a part of me that doesn’t regret the awful path the Joker and I took. There isn’t a part of me that would ever do that again. In many ways I wish I could pull an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind move and erase him completely from my memory.
But I can’t. Believe me, I have tried.
Lucky for me, though, when I hear this song by Mrs. Russel Brand, I don’t think about the Joker. Nor do I think about K-fed. I think about The One That Got Away.
I mean, I knew (and lied to myself) very early on that despite every bone in my body yearning for the Joker and I to be together, our future never seemed to fit. I knew how wrong for each other we were. How unhappy and dishonest he was throughout our entire relationship. I might act dumb but I am far smarter than I let on. And I know how unhappy and dishonest I was with K-fed.
But with The One That Got Away, I can’t say I was ever unhappy. I was distracted. Heart-broken. Not ready to date. The One That Got Away came at the wrong time in my life and that’s regrettable, but obviously that was better for us both.
Last I heard, The One That Got Away is living his dream and is married, in Canada, in the house he bought for us. A part of me aches at this reality, call it jealousy if you want, but most of me is glad that he got what he wanted, he deserves that, and I am thankful that I get to live another day in search of what I want. Whatever that might be. I deserve that. I clearly have not found it yet. But perhaps someday. And if my tarot reading continues being right, that day will be soon.
Until then, I am thankful that when I hear this song by Katy Perry, I don’t think about any of the guys the hurt me, but rather, the one that loved me, the one that truly did get away.
Other iREADray posts you might like:
For Me It’s Not Over, But Almost
Reflecting On A Hard Annivarsary 

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