It wasn’t too long ago that I was confronted by someone of the transgender community because of Human Rights Campaign’s stand on the 2007 Employment Non-Discrimination Act. Back then, I represented HRC as the Director of the on-campus student organization at Arizona State University and the national arm of the nation’s largest lobbyist organization fighting for LGBT rights decided not to punish United States Congressmen and women who supported a non-inclusive version of ENDA.
Well, very recently, this transgender man, who I sparred over regarding this issue, reconnected with me on Facebook.
Interestingly enough, him and I both confessed that one of the issues playing into our sparring was the fact that we were both attracted to each other on some level or another. And a few apologies later, he confessed that he wanted to ask me out back then — and I confessed that I wouldn’t have been ready for it.
Truth is, while in college, I was a completely different person than I am now. Back then, I wanted things to be together in my neat little cookie cutter idea, where I could play house with someone of the same-sex, and live a fairly heteronormative life.
Truth is, I was full of shit.
Because of who I was, at least back then, I couldn’t own up to the things I felt because of the very irrational believes that I had. I wanted to marry a man, have children, and live like Charlotte on Sex and the City.
Since then, I think I have come a long way in my dating philosophy. Not only did my first boyfriend confess to me that he would likely be happier as a women, but my love for him was so overwhelmingly powerful that I begun exploring my own heterosexuality, and found that though I am generally drawn to men, but I am not completely turned off women. The truth was, I was in love, and gender had no bearing on that. He kept hidden for almost the entirity of our relationship something that was very personal, and something that took me some time to come to grips with. But eventually, I did.
When this transgender man I sparred with in 2007 added me on Facebook very recently, I was somewhat taken aback. I was simply surprised because we had such heated words to each other. But realizing that with politics aside, we do have quite a bit in common and we both have very similar goals and have similar baggage.
He is a good guy. A guy I could like. Truth be told, I am somewhat interested in the relationship we could have.
He said he should have asked me out in 2007, but if he did then, I would have likely freaked out. I wasn’t ready for it. My first boyfriend, though that entire relationship was a bust, did help me explore my own sexuality, and my own ability to love. He (at least I still think he identifies as a man, I haven’t spoken with him since March) put my heart to the test, and some how, through all of the pain, I think I have come out stronger.
I realize now that love goes beyond politics. It’s more than skin deep, and honestly, it goes well beyond gender.
(As a side note, I just want to point out the the word transgender is one word, however spell check is trying to tell me it’s two. A clear example of how people simply do not understand trans issues. It pisses me off.)
|The first pregnant man. I bet his wife loves him beyond skin deep. Photo via Jerrybrice’s blog.|