1, 2, 3 Not For Me (Sorry Britney)

What would later become the beginning to the end with Kfed and I was when we attempted to participate in a four-sum with two other guys. Having never had any desire to participate in “group action,” I was, at least hoping, to make my boyfriend happy.  And I shouldn’t say I had no desire to, I was curious, but it was never on my “to-do” list if you will.

After I finally got there, got naked, unsure what to do or how to react, or what boundaries existed in what was shaping to be a truly beautiful relationship, I was completely turned off and incredibly jealous. Maybe I have borderline personality disorder, or maybe I just knew something wasn’t right. Never mind that Kfed walked out on me in the middle of this whole thing, and never mind that Kfed went to Sedona the next day with the same men he left me with (the final straw in what could have been the best love I never had), this attempt at group action sucked and not in the way you would imagine with a naked cluster of gay men.

Now, to this very day and a few very horrible attempts later, I have not enjoyed any sort of group fun. Three sums are one too many, four sums are two couples with relationships different than anything I want, swinging is something best reserved for an actual swing set at a park, and I am just not made for groups.These are facts I have come to understand about myself.

I am certainly a young male with a healthy sex drive, I have wanted to explore my sexuality, and with it, there is some curiosity as to what all the “hype” is surrounding group sex is, but I have taken quite a bit of time now and realize that, for me, three sums are not what I am “into.” Sexually, I like to gaze in the man’s eyes, I like to be connected on a level far deeper than our bodies could ever muster. Sexually, I like to make love, not fuck.

Many have expressed to me how I am “hetero-normative” because I do want to get married, have children, would love to stay home with them, and if there’s a white picket fence and a big backyard with trees for tree house building, even better. Many  have said that “I want a straight relationship in the gay community” — and maybe I do.

In my view, being gay doesn’t mean you have to be a slut. Certainly, there is evidence that two men dating will have more sex than their heterosexual counterparts (and even more than two women) but isn’t part of being gay mean that you must accept all variations of sexuality, in addition to love and relationships? I accept that Kfed enjoyed many things I do not. But that doesn’t make him lesser than me. To suggest that, would be hypercritical to my more prude accepting of my own sexuality. For me, my sexuality goes well beyond my sex drive, but into my inner core of being; it’s a part of who I am, well beyond my dick. Others, not the case

At the end of the day, to each their own. Sexuality is personal, between you and your partner/s.

Britney Spears might have belted out how much she loves three-sums in her song “3” — but in my experience, that just doesn’t work for me.

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