Goals: Resolutions Can Kiss My Ass

I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions; I don’t think we should make lists of things we want to change, because that just addresses the topical problem, instead we have to delve in deeper as to what makes us do what we don’t like, and that can’t happen with just a list.
However, I like the concept of goals. So here are ten goals I’d like to accomplish this year. It’s 2011, and I’m not dead yet, might as well get some shit done.
      1. Heal, recover. This past year my heart was broken. It’s the root of many of the problems in my life, and the reality is, I am still not healed. I am still broken. Epically. There are tears still being shed and frankly that pain is still fresh. I miss my ex every night I go to bed. I miss him when I wake up. I miss him when I get ready. I miss him when I try to flirt with someone. Missing him is making me crazy. That needs to end, and that’s something I need to do. I cannot get over Andy if I don’t let myself, so I’m letting myself. It’s time. My heart needs to move on. I need to heal. Not sure how this is going to happen but admitting that I still miss that boy I think is a good first step. I miss him. I miss him more than a little, I miss him more than I miss myself. Time to stop.
      2. Quit. I enjoy smoking too much to quit, so this is going to be a struggle. But it’s a goal at least.
      3. Graduate. I owe it to myself to graduate from college already. The only thing standing in my way is myself. I need to find that determination I once had to achieve things, and achieve this one. Fuck all of you who want me to graduate. It’s not about you. I don’t need to graduate for you, I need to do it for me. No one will be more proud of me finally getting my degree than me, so hoping I do you should just keep to yourself. Because it’s my degree, like it’s my life, and you can be in it or not, I don’t have the choice.
      4. Stop lying. My parents didn’t know I smoked for like a year. It doesn’t matter if I do or don’t. It’s little things like this, me lying so people don’t think certain things about me. Doesn’t matter what y’all think of me. What happens in my life happens to me, doesn’t affect you. So, my goal is to not lie about who I am or what I do. And more importantly…
      5. Not apologize for it either.
      6. Move. Yes I have planned to move to New York and here I am in New York realizing New York is nothing but Arizona unless I make it so. I am moving out of Arizona, maybe to New York, maybe some place else. But I am fucking moving, and where I go is up to me, because, it’s still my life.
      7. Love. I used to truly love the world and everyone in it. Instead of seeing the negative, I used to see the positive. It’s time to do that again. I need to learn to love all of you again.
      8. Write. I also used to write almost everyday. Well, that’s going to happen again.
      9. Listen. No more me. I need to listen to, well, you.
      10. Save. Save myself. Save my money. Save my love. Save my life.

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